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Started dating again during COVID, and I wish I hadn’t

About a month and a half ago, I (28M) was bored being stuck in my apartment with roommates I don’t like and decided to fire up some online dating apps, thinking it was safe enough where I live to go on socially-distanced outdoor dates with masks. It was all the usual sort of women I had seen before, until I matched with a woman and hit it off, immediately feeling chemistry. We went on several dates, getting more physical, and even having sex after talking through how we felt about the safety of everything. I haven’t been on more than one or two dates with anyone in a few years, and was really feeling something beyond infatuation with this girl.

Fast forward over a month in, and I REALLY like this woman. But then, all of a sudden, a wave of anxiety hit as I realized that seeing her was the only thing I had been looking forward to. I had been handling the pandemic pretty well as an introvert, with seemingly very little decline in my mental health, but then BAM, all of a sudden the realization of what I would be losing if this didn’t work out opened the floodgates of anxiety about losing my job, what next year would be like, a second pandemic wave, etc etc. I had unconsciously been pinning any positive outlook I had about the near future on this woman and it has just become too much.

I think about her all the time, and my current job isn’t exactly exciting enough working from home to distract me, and I literally count the minutes between texts and replies. I’ve tried turning my phone off, going for walks, engaging in my hobbies, but despite everything seeming to go well with her, the anxiety about where I would be if I lost her is just too much. It’s gotten to the point that I’ve considered ending it myself to just get rid of this extra level of anxiety. Despite really feeling something for this woman, I wish I could go back and tell myself of a few months ago that it ain’t worth it.

I dunno if I’m asking for advice, or what, but I’m just sort of going day to day, trying to keep myself busy, dealing with the endless uncertainty about everything, first and foremost this woman. Thanks for reading if you made it this far.

You’re probably going to feel worse if you end thing prematurely because of your anxiety. Some of that anxiety of losing someone you like would still be there even without all the other factors. I would try to find better ways to occupy your time. I don’t know what that could be for you, but I wouldn’t get rid of a good woman before trying absolutely everything.

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